ACTIVITY           CALORIES BURNED

-----------------------------------

REMOVING CLOTHES:
 With partner's consent.........12
 Without partner's consent.....187

UNHOOKING BRA:
 Using two calm hands.............7
 Using one trembling hand........36
 Using teeth.....................52
 ->Edible BRA.............(gain)100
 lifting partner.................15
 Dragging partner along floor....16
 Using skateboard.................3

ACHIEVING ERECTIONS:
 For normal healthy man...........2.5
 Losing erection.................14
 Searching for it...............115

PUTTING ON CONDOM:
 With erection....................1.5
 Without erection...............300

INSERTING DIAPHRAGM:
 If the woman who does it is
 Experienced......................6
 Inexperienced...................73
 If a man does it...............680
 Add (5) calories for retreiving it
 from across the room.



POSITIONS ACCORDING TO NATIONALITY:
 Italian- Man on top,woman in
 kitchen.........................26
 Russian- Woman on bottom,
 Man getting permission..........55
 American- Both on top...........60

POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS OF INTERCOURSE:
 Bouncing.........................7
 Sliding around...................9
 Serious skidding................12
 Whiplash........................27

ORGASM:
 Real............................27
 Faked..........................160

ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE:
 Shoes flew off..................35
 Expression didn't change........1/2
 Orchestra swelled................6
 Birds sang
  Large birds.....................7
  Small birds.....................3
 Earth moved.....................30

PULLING OUT:
 After orgasm.....................1/2
 A few moments before orgasm....500

PENIS ENVY:
 For woman........................3
 For men.........................72

GUILT:
 Despite no formal training,orgasm
 comes easily,naturally..........53
 You're enjoying sex,despite the
 fact that other people are
 starving.........................2
 Sex on your lunch hour...........3
 Putting it on expense account...20

AGGRAVATION:
 Partner keeps showing plants.....5
 Partner insists on cuddling the dog
 during foreplay.................14
 Partner watching television .....0
 (often considered normal)
 Partner just visited bathroom for
 7th time........................10
 Partner is taking phone calls....7
 Partner is making phone calls...40

GETTING CAUGHT:
 By partner's spouse.............60
 By your spouse.................100
 Trying to explain...............55
 Trying to remain calm..........100
 Leaping out of bed..............75
 Getting dressed in one motion..500
 Thanking partner quickly.........2