Top 100 Reasons It's Better to Be a Woman
1. we can get laid anytime we want
2. we never have to buy our own drinks at the bar
3. we piss sitting down so its easier to pass out on the toilet when you're drunk
4. we get out of speeding tickets by crying
5. we get out of speeding tickets by showing a little cleavage or leg
6. we can sleep our way to the top of the class
7. we get to shop at Victoria's Secret
8. we can marry rich and then not have to work
9. we never have to pay when we go out on dates
10. men take us on all expense paid trips- all we have to do is sleep with them
11. men light our cigarettes for us
12. men hold the door open for us
13. we pout better (those puppy dog eyes always work!)
14. we're cuter
15. we lie better
16. we're better manipulators
17. we always end up sleeping in the bed when we fight with our other halves- you guys get the couch
18. we always have food in the fridge
19. when we cook, it doesn't precede a trip to the ER or a visit from the fire dept
20. we always get to choose the movie
21. we don't have to mow the lawn
22. we don't have to take out the garbage
23. we don't have to paint the house or walls
24. PMS- yet another excuse to bitch at men
25. cosmopolitan
26. we can con our way out of anything- not just dig ourselves deeper into a hole
27. men unlock our side of the car first- a real bonus when its cold
28. PMS is a legal defense for murder
29. men are like tiles, lay'em right the first time ya can walk all over'em forever
30. we can masturbate more in a day than men
31. 2 words- multi orgasmic
32. we don't have to constantly adjust our genitals
33. sweat is sexy on us
34. we never run out of excuses
35. you guys may get to think about sex 200 times a day, but we could be having it that often
36. doggie style- that way we get to watch the game too
37. we get expensive jewelry as gifts that we NEVER have to give back
38. we get candy, flowers and jewelry all the time cuz men screw up so often
39. we can give "the look" that will make any man want to cower in the corner
40. women are cleaner
41. women have more than one erogenous zone (in case you guys didn't know)
42. we're better arguers
43. we don't always have to think with our genitals
44. massage!!!!
45. we're better parents
46. we never have to sit home alone on a weekend night
47. there's never a shortage of ready, willing and able men
48. we're flexible
49. when women get pissed we dont destroy property or hurt people- we just take it out on the world in general because we can
50. menopause- thank god we're not capable of having children after we're 50
51. menstruation- just another excuse to use so we can say "no" to sex
52. men in uniform
53. there is no penis envy
54. we can just roll over and go to sleep after we masturbate because there's no messy clean-up
55. it generally takes us less to get drunk
56. we have a higher tolerance to pain
57. we often get to cut in line
58. most women actually look good in short shorts- men DON'T
59. better tips
60. women who don't wear underwear are considered sexy and wild, when men do it, its rather disgusting
61. we have mastered civilized eating- we don't embarass our friends or make loud bodily noises in public
62. women can go a day without showering or shaving and not look or smell disgusting- thank god for long pants and perfume!
63. we can connive men into doing our homework, writing our papers or carrying our books anytime we want
64. we don't have excessive amounts of body hair
65. we don't spend 45 minutes on the toilet
66. men will pay us for sex
67. smoking the seeds in marijuana doesn't make us sterile
68. we can throw a punch at a man and not get hit in return
69. men may fantasize about having sex with more than one woman at a time, but we can have sex with an entire football team at once if we want
70. men walk on the side of the sidewalk closest to the road so that if a car hits us, he gets hurt not us
71. women sweat less
72. women smell better
73. when women make their boyfriends mad, we don't have to waste money on flowers or cards- a blowjob and sex fixes all
74. men are more often serial killers, thieves, rapists and cheats
75. women don't get the humor in the three stooges
76. women have three accessible holes
77. we don't get embarrassed when buying tampons
78. we're better gossips
79. we have better fashion sense
80. we're better shoppers
81. we don't have to make fools out of ourselves to impress a man
82. our friends don't pick on us if we aren't sleeping with anyone
83. men don't know what our 'girl talk' is all about (and im not gonna tell you)
84. we're all sittin' on a gold mine- we know it and use it to our extreme advantage
85. we don't have to drive when on a date
86. an ugly woman can use makeup and get a new hairdo to become presentable- ugly men are just screwed
87. women can use the old "that mark on my neck is from a curling iron burn" line
88. women know how fake it
89. women look better naked
90. we know that rhythm doesn't only pertain to dancing
91. when women are short, we're petite, when men are short, they're just short
92. women do less time for violent crime
93. women don't have to worry about not being able to get it up
94. an oblong vegetable is all we need for a good time any night
95. women's conversations generally consist of more than just "uh huh, yep ok then bye"
96. women don't need an excuse to be in a bad mood
97. women never have to see combat
98. the remote control is not an extension of ourselves
99. women are sexier
and the 100th reason its better to be a woman- this one is definitely worthy of reiteration:
100. we can get laid ANYTIME, ANYWHERE, ANY WAY we want it!
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