Disney
for Adults
Cinderella
wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella
sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promises to provide
Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two
conditions.
"First,
you must wear a diaphragm." Cinderella agrees.
"What's
the second condition?"
"You
must be home by 2 a.m. Any later,
and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."
Cinderella agrees to be home by
2
a.m. The appointed hour comes and
goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally,
at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up, looking love-struck and **very** satisfied.
"Where
have you been?" demands the fairy godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin
three hours ago!!!"
"I
met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."
"I
know of no prince with that kind of power!
Tell me his name!"
"I
can't remember, exactly ..Peter, Peter, something or other..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pinocchio
had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they
were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could
help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and
Pinocchio skipped away enlightened. A
couple of weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and
asked him, "How's the girlfriend?" Pinocchio replied, "Who needs
a girlfriend?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little
Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf
jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her throat, said,
"Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!" To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her
picnic basket and pulled out a . 44 magnum and pointed it at him and said,
"No you're not! You're going
to eat me, just like it says in the book!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mickey
Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court and the judge said to
Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."
Mickey
replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's fucking Goofy."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Snow
White saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up behind him, knocked
him flat on his back, and then sat on his face crying, "Lie to me!!
Lie
to me!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did
you know... Captain Hook died from jock itch.
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