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Sayings that should be on buttons . . .


 1.  Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

 2.  Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.

 3.  Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?

 4.  A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.

 5.  Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.

 6.  Do I look like a freakin' people person?

 7.  This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

 8.  I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

 9.  I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

 10. I've found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time.

 11. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

 12. You! Off my planet!

 13. Bottomless pit of needs & wants.

 14. I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.

 15. Friendly checkout clerk. Thanks for keeping me that way

 16. Does your train of thought have a caboose?

 17. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

 18. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

 19. And just how may I screw you over today?

 20. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be . . .?

 21. If only you'd use your powers for good instead of evil . . .

 22. Allow me to introduce my selves.

 23. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

 24. Better living through denial.

 25. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.

 26. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.

 27. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.

 28. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

 29. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

 30. Mall whore: I can suck the numbers right off your credit cards.

 31. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.

 32. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!

 33. One of us is thinking about sex . . . OK, it's me.

 34. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?

 35. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?

 36. It's sick the way you people keep having sex without me.

 37. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.

 38. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

 39. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

 40. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

 41. You look like shit. Is that the style now?

 42. Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth.

 43. Earth is full. Go home.

 44. Does this condom make me look fat?

 45. Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?

 46. I plead contemporary insanity.

 47. I thought I wanted a career . . . turns out I just wanted paychecks.

 48. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

 49. It ain't the size, it's . . . no, it's the size.

 50. I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?


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